No More HomeMade Flyers

Did It Hurt When You Fell From Heaven?

Published February 3, 2010 Apartment Marketing is Like a Personal Ad , Holiday Apartment Marketing , Marketing to Your Needs 2 Comments
Tags: Apartment Marketing, Beyond Wine & Cheese Marketing, Cupid, Free Rent, Hallmark, Hearts, Love, Poems, Single, Tool Academy, Valentine's Day

Last year was my first Valentine’s Day with a boyfriend. This year, I’m alone again. Not single, but alone. So I’ve decided to revert to my single ways and be bitter about the holiday – in solidarity with everyone else out there who is celebrating alone. Currently my plans for the 14^th include flying home from a business trip and watching the season premier of Tool Academy Season 3:

Truly quality television. That’s rare to find these days. About as rare as it is to find a good guy. Which is why Hallmark really needs to stop shoving this gag-worthy holiday down our throats! I swear, if I see a single pink heart, naked cupid, or lovey-dovey poem written in curly-q font, I am going to puke.

Wow. I am SO not moving here.

Ok, I’ll give it to this apartment community: at least they came up with some creative activities for their residents with some awesome prizes. (Um, hellooo? FREE rent?? Yes please!)

BUT…does the “O” in “Love” really have to be in the shape of a heart? You’d think the ELEVEN hearts in the graphic would be more than enough. And is anyone else having trouble reading the curly swirly font on top of the curly swirly graphic? It’s the little things, people.

If only they had put their GREAT ideas on a professionally designed flyer! Now that’s true love.

Is your apartment building making you love sick this Valentine’s Day…or just sick of love? Let us know at blog@beyondwineandcheese.com!

PS: Sorry to ruin the sarcasm of it all, but I do have to give a shout out to my boyfriend, who actually is one of the good guys out there – and is currently deployed. I would much rather be spending the 14^th with him than a bunch of Tools!

Apartment Security Current Threat Level: Orange

Published January 29, 2010 Expectations of Apartment Managers , Scary Apartment Marketing Leave a Comment
Tags: Apartment Managers, Apartment Marketing, Beyond Wine & Cheese Marketing, Homeland Security, Hooligans

What do hooligans hanging out in the stairwell and Homeland Security have in common?

Actually, I’m still not sure.

In this skillfully written note from building management, they go from berating people who have been using the stairwell as their latest hangout to threatening to call Homeland Security over some deeply carved writings in the 2^nd floor hallway table. It really speaks for itself, so put on your reading glasses and check this out:

I only wish I knew what was written in the table, cause threatening to call Homeland Security? That is what I call a topnotch scare tactic. Maybe it’s time to screen your residents a little more closely before they sign a lease…

Of course, if your residents’ actions require calling HS, why exactly do you anticipate their cooperation?

Is your apartment manager going to new lengths to keep residents in line? Share with us at blog@beyondwineandcheese.com!

Time Waits for No Renter

Published January 20, 2010 Apartment FAIL , Scary Apartment Marketing Leave a Comment
Tags: Apartment Marketing, Beyond Wine & Cheese Marketing, Dog, Grammar, The Phantom Tollbooth, Tick Tock, Time, Time is Money, Urgency

In fourth grade I learned an important lesson from the book The Phantom Tollbooth: wasting time is a sin, but killing time is murder. Now, since they personified time as a dog, to a 10 year old this lesson really hit home.

The culture of American business is very sensitive about not wasting time – after all, time is money. That’s why a sense of urgency really rings true with people, especially in the apartment industry. So when you’re posting an ad on craigslist, what better headline to use than one that makes people feel as though they should act now:

Oh no! What’s going to happen to the apartment if I don’t get it today?? Will they burn it down? Or maybe it will just spontaneously combust?! This is practically a threat! Next thing you know you’ll find a horse head in your bed.

Now, I know I said time is money, but even if you can’t rent out the place today, you don’t have to get rid of it tomorrow – consider it a sunk cost! I’m sure someone will rent it eventually…

Of course, it is very clear that the manager is sensitive to the amount of time he/she spends on things since he/she couldn’t even be bothered to add the other “o” on “to”. Grammar is priceless, people.

Is your apartment community putting on the pressure with prospective renters? Let us know at blog@beyondwineandcheese.com!

Can We Trust Her? She Doesn’t Actually Listen to Jay-Z

Published January 11, 2010 Uncategorized Leave a Comment
Tags: Apartment Managers, Apartment Marketing, Beyond Wine & Cheese Marketing, Celebrity Endorsement, LA, Miley Cyrus, Party in the USA, Partying, Patriotism, Teen Choice Awards

When I think of partying, patriotism, and feeling awkward in LA, who comes to mind? Why, Miley Cyrus of course! She’s one of the most popular actresses and singers among pre-teens, and until her little performance on the Teen Choice Awards, mothers loved her as a role model for their daughters. So as an apartment manager, who wouldn’t want to use Miley to rent out some units??

I mean, when you think about it, you’re really appealing to multiple demographics at once with this ad, including, but not limited, to 13 year olds, people who really love partying in the USA, and the graphic-design challenged (Miley’s lookin a little stretched out there, eh?).

And clearly parents will be making their young daughters search for apartments, so I really think they hit the nail on the head with this ad. Anywhere that’s good enough for Miley to party is good enough for me to live.

Is your apartment community getting the wrong celebrity endorsements? Share with us at blog@beyondwineandcheese.com!

Forget Team Edward, I’m on Team Shirtless

Published January 8, 2010 Apartment Marketing is Like a Personal Ad , Marketing to Your Needs Leave a Comment
Tags: Apartment Communities, Apartment Marketing, Beyond Wine & Cheese Marketing, Ellen DeGeneres, Lisa Trosien, New Moon, New Year, Team Edward, Team Jacob, Twilight

Ah, it feels good to be back! I’ve missed all of you wonderful (if not somewhat marketing-challenged, and I say that with love) apartment communities. But as it is now 2010, consider this an opportunity for a fresh start. You know, new year, new attitude, new vendors, New…..Moon?

Er….now I know apartment communities are looking for ways to draw in Gen-Y, but we’re 21, not THIRTEEN. Although, there was that one thirty-year-old woman who called Ellen on national TV admitting that she is obsessed with New Moon and asked for tickets to the New Moon premier. So, I guess this could appeal to a wide demographic after all….

Well, except for those who are on “Team Edward”.

Is your apartment community starting off on the wrong foot? Let us know at blog@beyondwineandcheese.com!

And don’t forget to check out apartment expert Lisa Trosien’s take on Twilight!

When Craigslist Ads are as Disappointing as Blind Dates

Published December 18, 2009 Apartment Marketing is Like a Personal Ad , Marketing to Your Needs 1 Comment
Tags: Apartment Marketing, Beyond Wine & Cheese Marketing, Alaska, Bob Saget, Blind Dates, Misleading Statements, Custom Home, Fully Furnished, Dead Grass, Concrete Jungle

Blind dates are a scary thing. Say a friend of yours wanted to set you up with one of their coworkers. They describe him as tall with dark hair and a very funny personality. Doesn’t sound too bad, right? So you agree to go, and when you get there, you see this:

Now don’t you wish you asked for a picture first? Well, a few months ago when I was looking for a new apartment on Craigslist, I refused to even look at postings that didn’t have pictures. I mean, you can’t always trust the description (just like in that blind date scenario) – seeing what it actually looks like is crucial. For example, someone might say something like this:

And you think, “WOW! A custom home sounds pretty nice – especially right on the water! I hope they have a picture so I can see what it looks like!” Luckily, they do:

Wow is right. They really added a lot of custom features there. And the window placement is so…unique. Plus, the view of the bay is just…beautiful.

Another example is when someone says the house or apartment will come furnished. When I see this:

I think, “Fantastic! I don’t have to worry about buying a bunch of new furniture. And I’m sure it’s a lot nicer than what I could afford.” But then I see this:

I’m sorry, but is that a double bed on a single bed frame? Really? *Sigh*

And then there are those posts where maybe the person didn’t rant and rave about the backyard, but then you wonder – why would they bother posting this:

I sure hope it isn’t cause the backyard is one of the shining features of the house. I mean, I’m all for water conservation, but all I can think about is having to deal with this much dead grass. Living in an apartment building where I don’t have a yard sounds a lot more appealing now. Take me back to the concrete jungle!!

Do your pictures fail to match up with what you’re offering? Show us at blog@beyondwineandcheese.com!

It’s Not All Rainbows and Butterflies

Published December 9, 2009 Uncategorized Leave a Comment
Tags: Apartment Marketing, Beyond Wine & Cheese Marketing, Comic Sans, Craigslist, Gen Y

Plain Craigslist ads are boring. With a number of different companies providing colorful templates with which apartment companies can post their information, you’re behind in the game if you’re just using text and adding a few pictures. But just as I warned in a previous blog post, some of these “professional” companies might be leading you astray.

Now, I understand that there is a big push to market to Gen Y, which means finding youthful designs and figuring out what amenities will appeal to this demographic:

But wait… Last time I checked, Gen Y didn’t include girls between the ages of 5 and 10. And didn’t I see something somewhere about when it’s ok to use Comic Sans?

At least one company is getting Craigslist ads right…

Is your apartment marketing to the wrong demographic? Share with us at blog@beyondwineandcheese.com!

Anything I Can Do, You Can Do Better

Published December 7, 2009 Expectations of Apartment Managers Leave a Comment
Tags: Apartment Marketing, Apostrophe, Beyond Wine & Cheese Marketing, Craigslist, Heat, Humidity, South, Tallahassee, Trashed Apartment

Although I am a true Northwesterner, I lived in the South for a few years, so I feel qualified to speak on it. Now, one of the things the South is well-known for is doing things a little slowly. I don’t mean that in a condescending way, because when you are trying to get through the day when it is 90 degrees out and 85% humidity, you just can’t think or move very quickly (I certainly didn’t when I lived there). But in today’s world where time is money, doing things too slowly just doesn’t cut it. So what’s the answer when you can’t be bothered to sweat it out and clean up an apartment your resident just moved out of for quick turnaround?

(As seen in Tallahassee)

The post goes on to explain:

“The unit was trashed by previous tenants and needs full cleaning. If you perform ALL cleaning, you can move in TODAY for free and not pay rent til’ January 1^st.”

Did anyone else notice the misplaced apostrophe on “til”? No, just me? *Sighs*

They also explain that the “pics below are of similar unit, NOT exact unit pictured.”

I wish they had posted the actual apartment though, cause I’d love to see what kind of mess these people left behind. My only question is, isn’t the deposit that people pay when they move into an apartment used by the manager to clean up / fix the apartment after you move out? Oh, and isn’t that the manager’s job anyway?

Hm. Well, I guess I can’t blame the guy – I bet he hates cleaning his own room, let alone having to do it for someone else…

Is someone handing off the dirty work in your apartment? Let us know at blog@beyondwineandcheese.com!

Someone Didn’t Read Yesterday’s Post…

Published December 4, 2009 Holiday Apartment Marketing Leave a Comment
Tags: Apartment Marketing, Beyond Wine & Cheese Marketing, Carol of the Bells, Christmas Music, Jingle Bells, Nutcracker

Just a forewarning, I’m about to be politically incorrect, but I LOVE Christmas music. My particular favorite is music from the Nutcracker, but since it is the only instrumental music on my iPod, I listen to it year round for studying. However, I really feel Christmas-y when I hear my second favorite seasonal song, Carol of the Bells. There’s something about Christmas carols that makes you feel warm and happy inside, and reminds you of your childhood. You know, it’s wholesome and family-oriented. That’s why marketers use lyrics from Christmas songs to elicit those homey feelings…

AAAALLLL the way!

I’ll never listen to Jingle Bells the same way again.

Has your apartment abused a great song? Let us know at blog@beyondwineandcheese.com!

Which Witch is Which?

Published December 3, 2009 Marketing to Your Needs Leave a Comment
Tags: Apartment Marketing, Beyond Wine & Cheese Marketing, Craigslist, Crayons, Crazy Manager, Double Meanings, Happy Meal, Men, Michael Scott, Pleasure, That's What She Said, The Office, TWSS

I’ve learned over the years that you must be very careful when using phrases that have double meanings. My point is well illustrated by the “That’s What She Said” (TWSS) craze, which takes an innocent sounding statement and turns it into something dirty. It became really popular when Michael Scott (on The Office) added TWSS to his silly antics, but I have yet to incorporate it deeply enough into my thought process to shout it out when someone says something TWSS-worthy. That’s probably a good thing so I don’t annoy friends with it or accidently say it at work when the occasion arises.

However, I still find phrases with double meanings or dirty undertones pretty amusing, so I was thrilled to stumble upon a few Craigslist apartment headlines like that when I was working on Tuesday’s blog post. The first took me a minute to figure out:

My first thought was, Why would they admit that the building manager is crazy? Is there a market for people who want crazy managers? Then I figured it must be someone complaining on Craigslist about having a crazy manager – but it wouldn’t make any sense that they were posting a price. Finally I realized, Oooooh, the manager is supposedly “crazy” for renting the apartment at a low price! Maybe I’m not the brightest crayon in the box, but I wouldn’t say I’m a few fries short of a Happy Meal either, so if it took me this long to realize what the headline was implying, maybe they should reconsider advertising that the manager is crazy the next time they post.

The next headline actually made me blush a little when I came across it:

Oh my! I don’t even want to know what goes on in this house… But really, is it just me or should the person posting this rethink their word choices? Let’s keep it PG, people!

I even found one headline that I wasn’t sure was actually advertising an apartment:

I think this exact same headline was flashing on the billboard of a “gentlemen’s club” that I pass every day on the bus. All I can say is that it must be men – bored and lonely men – who are posting these Craigslist ads. Didn’t your mother ever tell you, don’t mix business with pleasure? Oh, and she probably didn’t tell you this, but my advice would be to avoid calling your manager crazy. Yeah…

Is your apartment building sending mixed messages? Share with us at blog@beyondwineandcheese.com!