No More HomeMade Flyers

My Nomadic A** Ain’t Stoppin’ Up In Here

beyondwineandcheese — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 17:27:39 +0000

Young people have a history of being misunderstood. Why that is, though, is anyone’s guess:

I call it, “Disgruntled Youth”.

We go from living with our parents who insist on us keeping our rooms clean, to dorms where the opposite sex is not even allowed in our rooms, to apartment buildings that won’t let us hold raging parties past 10pm.

But fear not, there is someone out there who understands us, and is making an effort to communicate in a way that does not include yelling our full names when we’ve done something wrong. Better yet, he wants to be your roommate…

“$500 HOLY CRAP! IS THAT A ROOM FOR RENT ON MY CRAIGSLIST??!?!?!?

You bet your nomadic ass it is.”

Wow. I already feel like this could be a very special place to live. I definitely want to read more!

“ZOMG THE LOCATION IS THE S**T. You can WALK to Washington Avenue from here. So you can get your drink on and do some mackin playa. 10 mins from UH and Rice cause we all about higher education up in here.”

Um, well, I’m not completely sure what the “Z” stands for in “ZOMG”. All I can think of is “Zoinks!” – but that’s Scooby Doo era, so maybe I am not as hip with the scene as I thought.

However, my grammar fails me not, and saying “we all about higher education up in here” somehow suggests to me that you are not in fact “all about higher education”. But us cool kids don’t care about talkin’ right, does we??

Maybe it’s just me, but I am still really curious to hear about what amenities this place has!

“We got carpet up in this hoe too. They wanted to come put in hard wood floors. But I was like F**K THAT. I don’t want my feet to be cold when I get out of bed at night. Carpet. So soft. Transcends the walking barefoot experience.”

Dude, I love carpet! The day my parents made me move to a new house where my bedroom didn’t have carpet was one of the worst days of my life!

I can’t help but notice, though, that he should have used the correct spelling of “ho” as opposed to “hoe,” which belongs in my garden. No worries though, I am sure there is something to make up for this small mistake…

“AWWW S**T! YOUR OWN PRIVATE BATHROOM!!!! WTF!?!?!? YUH! You can shower and take a s**t w/o anyone being up in your business!!! I’m not bullsh**tin either… I’m talking HOT WATER IN THE SHOWER.”

WHAT?? HOT WATER?? I would NEVER expect that at an apartment I am paying $500 a month for…

Does this guy really think that just cause I’m young this “amenity” is going to win me over? Really? Really??

Well, you know what, at least I have been fully entertained by reading this post. And the author even posted a picture!!! I’m sure he isn’t a creeper at all…

Yeah… Not a creeper AT ALL.

Is your attempt to attract Gen Y residents creeping people out instead of getting leases signed? Share with us at blog@beyondwineandcheese.com!

Apartment Hunting in Your Birthday Suit?

beyondwineandcheese — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 23:08:10 +0000

Quick follow-up from Wednesday’s post: it isn’t just apartment communities in the industry trying to spice up things up with a “catchy” name.

This new apartment search company is bound to leave a few of you red in the face. My advice: don’t do a Google search for it, who knows what else will pop up.

And make sure you have the URL correctly typed in before you hit enter!

http://techcrunch.com/2010/02/26/naked-apartments-attempts-to-ease-the-apartment-hunt-for-new-yorkers/

*Article link from The Apartment Expert – Lisa Trosien

What’s In a Name? Subliminal Messages?

beyondwineandcheese — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 19:47:41 +0000

When I was in 7^th grade, I met a girl named Eileen. She told me her last name was Dover. Although I never considered myself gullible, I totally believed her. I even talked to friends about how ridiculous it was that her parents would name her Eileen Dover. (Get it? I-leaned-over? Ha ha ha.) Well, you can imagine I felt pretty ridiculous when the yearbook came out and it turned out her last name was actually Kim. In my defense, she sounded completely serious about her last name being Dover!

I also went to elementary school with a boy who had rather questionable initials. His name was Anthony Steven Swanson* – I’ll let you figure that one out on your own. And I swear, this time it was completely true. Even his mother had those same initials.

OK one more: my best friend in 5^th and 6^th grade had the last name Butts. She and her siblings were teased so much about it they ended up legally changing their last name to Brokaw.

So what do all these random stories have to do with anything apartment related? My point is that names stick and can have a huge effect on what other people think of and say about you. I mean, all of my anecdotes are over 10 years old, but I still remember them like it was yesterday. The same applies to names of companies. In a world where young people try to turn anything into something dirty, is this really a good name for your company, Rick Steves?

Yes, that does say “Rick Steves’ Europe: Through the Back Door”.

No, I wouldn’t be surprised if he came up with that one when he was in Amsterdam, if you catch my drift.

And you all may or may not remember this gem of an apartment building found on FAIL Blog:

HAH! “Crapi”…crappy. Maybe it’s my own immaturity, but it just doesn’t get old.

You know, maybe this is the best new apartment marketing strategy for getting the attention of Gen Y. Everyone seems so concerned about how to attract this demographic, when I can pretty much guarantee you an apartment building called “Through the Back Door” would fill up with college students in no time. Especially if you put a washer/dryer in each unit.

What subliminal messages is your apartment community name sending? Let us know at blog@beyondwineandcheese.com!

*I have changed the name to protect this person’s identity, but I promise, the initials have not been altered.

Do Your Doody – Clean It Up!

beyondwineandcheese — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 18:40:40 +0000

If there is something on the ground to be stepped in, I will probably end up stepping in it. And this is not a recent development. I have terrible memories of getting a sewing needle stuck in my foot from walking into my grandmother’s sewing room as a child.

My anger from this problem eventually bubbled up in ninth grade when I was in the mall going to see a movie with some friends and stepped in a piece of gum. I started ranting about the rude people in the world who spit out gum on the floor in the middle of a shopping mall, literally 5 feet away from a garbage can. About a minute later my best friend admitted she was the culprit. Seriously.

But I think we all can agree that the worst thing to accidentally step in is dog doo doo. I mean, you’re walking innocently through a park and all of a sudden you smell something awful drifting around you. So you look around for the source of the smell, casually sniff your armpits trying to remember if you put deodorant on, but it isn’t until you get home and see shoe prints of dog crap tracked on your rug that you realize what happened. You don’t even get the chance to yell at the dog’s owner about carrying around a plastic bag and picking up after the dog does its business!

So today, instead of criticizing homemade flyers made by apartment communities, we are going to bask in the genius of this particular warning to residents:

As someone who can’t seem to get through the day without stepping in something gross, I commend the creator of this sign and slogan.

And as someone who has never been good at drawing dogs, I would like to honor this artist.

Now, in the case that this slightly graphic poster might offend residents, the apartment manager of this community turned to BWACM to create a slightly more professional version. But this sign is now immortalized in our blog. And that might be one less pile of dog poo that ends up on the bottom of my shoes.

Is your apartment community leaving behind unsightly messes? Share with us at blog@beyondwineandcheese.com!

My Apartment Community is Bigger Than Your Apartment Community

beyondwineandcheese — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 16:49:36 +0000

I would say my apartment is fairly easy to navigate. You walk in the front door and you’re in the small living room, with an entrance to the even smaller kitchen. To the right is the front bedroom, and when you walk down the hall, past the closet, you find the bathroom and the back bedroom. Real tough, huh?

Not exactly the mansion I always dreamed of:

Bring on the butler and live-in chef!!

But, for most people who are right out of college – let’s face it – that’s completely unrealistic. Especially when you’re living in the middle of a big city. I am so jealous of my “small town” friends (not to imply that they are simple people, just that they live in more suburban areas) who can get a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment for less than $600 total in rent, when that is what I pay for my bedroom and the bathroom I share with a roommate. There isn’t even a washer/dryer in unit!!

What I’m trying to say is that when I look for my next place of residence, size is definitely going to affect my decision. After all, in the apartment world, size ALWAYS matters! So why not advertise just how big your apartment building is when posting a Craigslist ad?!

Get lost?? How rude! Well forget this… Oh, hah, get lost in my new home. Right. Silly me! Er, wait, is this place actually in “otp west Beautiful Wood Cabinets”? Now this is just confusing me. I like the sounds of “getting lost” in “my new home”, cause obviously that implies it is quite large, but if it can fit in cabinets. Well… Let’s go ahead and look at the picture they posted so we can figure this one out:

Ok, yeah, if the size of this bathroom is any indication of how big the apartment is, then I would say it is more likely that it is located in some cabinets than it is I will get lost in it. Although that Craigslist headline sure did a great job of losing me.

And now it’s lost my interest.

What have apartment communities done to lose you? Tell us at blog@beyondwineandcheese.com!

Did It Hurt When You Fell From Heaven?

beyondwineandcheese — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 15:08:03 +0000

Last year was my first Valentine’s Day with a boyfriend. This year, I’m alone again. Not single, but alone. So I’ve decided to revert to my single ways and be bitter about the holiday – in solidarity with everyone else out there who is celebrating alone. Currently my plans for the 14^th include flying home from a business trip and watching the season premier of Tool Academy Season 3:

Truly quality television. That’s rare to find these days. About as rare as it is to find a good guy. Which is why Hallmark really needs to stop shoving this gag-worthy holiday down our throats! I swear, if I see a single pink heart, naked cupid, or lovey-dovey poem written in curly-q font, I am going to puke.

Wow. I am SO not moving here.

Ok, I’ll give it to this apartment community: at least they came up with some creative activities for their residents with some awesome prizes. (Um, hellooo? FREE rent?? Yes please!)

BUT…does the “O” in “Love” really have to be in the shape of a heart? You’d think the ELEVEN hearts in the graphic would be more than enough. And is anyone else having trouble reading the curly swirly font on top of the curly swirly graphic? It’s the little things, people.

If only they had put their GREAT ideas on a professionally designed flyer! Now that’s true love.

Is your apartment building making you love sick this Valentine’s Day…or just sick of love? Let us know at blog@beyondwineandcheese.com!

PS: Sorry to ruin the sarcasm of it all, but I do have to give a shout out to my boyfriend, who actually is one of the good guys out there – and is currently deployed. I would much rather be spending the 14^th with him than a bunch of Tools!

Apartment Security Current Threat Level: Orange

beyondwineandcheese — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 17:29:46 +0000

What do hooligans hanging out in the stairwell and Homeland Security have in common?

Actually, I’m still not sure.

In this skillfully written note from building management, they go from berating people who have been using the stairwell as their latest hangout to threatening to call Homeland Security over some deeply carved writings in the 2^nd floor hallway table. It really speaks for itself, so put on your reading glasses and check this out:

I only wish I knew what was written in the table, cause threatening to call Homeland Security? That is what I call a topnotch scare tactic. Maybe it’s time to screen your residents a little more closely before they sign a lease…

Of course, if your residents’ actions require calling HS, why exactly do you anticipate their cooperation?

Is your apartment manager going to new lengths to keep residents in line? Share with us at blog@beyondwineandcheese.com!

Time Waits for No Renter

beyondwineandcheese — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 20:23:28 +0000

In fourth grade I learned an important lesson from the book The Phantom Tollbooth: wasting time is a sin, but killing time is murder. Now, since they personified time as a dog, to a 10 year old this lesson really hit home.

The culture of American business is very sensitive about not wasting time – after all, time is money. That’s why a sense of urgency really rings true with people, especially in the apartment industry. So when you’re posting an ad on craigslist, what better headline to use than one that makes people feel as though they should act now:

Oh no! What’s going to happen to the apartment if I don’t get it today?? Will they burn it down? Or maybe it will just spontaneously combust?! This is practically a threat! Next thing you know you’ll find a horse head in your bed.

Now, I know I said time is money, but even if you can’t rent out the place today, you don’t have to get rid of it tomorrow – consider it a sunk cost! I’m sure someone will rent it eventually…

Of course, it is very clear that the manager is sensitive to the amount of time he/she spends on things since he/she couldn’t even be bothered to add the other “o” on “to”. Grammar is priceless, people.

Is your apartment community putting on the pressure with prospective renters? Let us know at blog@beyondwineandcheese.com!

Can We Trust Her? She Doesn’t Actually Listen to Jay-Z

beyondwineandcheese — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 18:21:59 +0000

When I think of partying, patriotism, and feeling awkward in LA, who comes to mind? Why, Miley Cyrus of course! She’s one of the most popular actresses and singers among pre-teens, and until her little performance on the Teen Choice Awards, mothers loved her as a role model for their daughters. So as an apartment manager, who wouldn’t want to use Miley to rent out some units??

I mean, when you think about it, you’re really appealing to multiple demographics at once with this ad, including, but not limited, to 13 year olds, people who really love partying in the USA, and the graphic-design challenged (Miley’s lookin a little stretched out there, eh?).

And clearly parents will be making their young daughters search for apartments, so I really think they hit the nail on the head with this ad. Anywhere that’s good enough for Miley to party is good enough for me to live.

Is your apartment community getting the wrong celebrity endorsements? Share with us at blog@beyondwineandcheese.com!

Forget Team Edward, I’m on Team Shirtless

beyondwineandcheese — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 12:48:29 +0000

Ah, it feels good to be back! I’ve missed all of you wonderful (if not somewhat marketing-challenged, and I say that with love) apartment communities. But as it is now 2010, consider this an opportunity for a fresh start. You know, new year, new attitude, new vendors, New…..Moon?

Er….now I know apartment communities are looking for ways to draw in Gen-Y, but we’re 21, not THIRTEEN. Although, there was that one thirty-year-old woman who called Ellen on national TV admitting that she is obsessed with New Moon and asked for tickets to the New Moon premier. So, I guess this could appeal to a wide demographic after all….

Well, except for those who are on “Team Edward”.

Is your apartment community starting off on the wrong foot? Let us know at blog@beyondwineandcheese.com!

And don’t forget to check out apartment expert Lisa Trosien’s take on Twilight!